Making it Work

No matter how many conversations you have about how you're going to make a long distance relationship work, nothing prepares you for what it's actually like. Being across the country from each other with bleak bank accounts doesn't exactly make for the easiest of relationships. How do two people so in love go about making such a distance work? I have yet to discover the answer to this question, but I am slowly figuring it out. There have been times when this transition has been more difficult than we had pictured it to be, but there have also been times when it seems like a piece of cake. Roller coaster. That's all i can say to describe this new adventure of ours. Many ups and downs. I have mentioned in previous blogs the feeling of emptiness. No matter how many phone calls are made or how many hours are spent on the web cam(what you see in the image above), the feeling of emptiness doesn't ever seem to FULLY leave. Don't get me wrong, these two sources of technology certainly make all the difference in the world and they will be key to keeping this relationship going.  However, it has been scientifically proven that there is something about the human touch that no form of technology can ever replace. The human touch is comforting, especially if it's from the person you have the most deep connection with. Him and i never really grasped the value of this form of 'communication' until now. There are times when i wish i could just reach through the web cam and do something as simple as hold his hand. It's funny how the simple things seem to become such a desire when distance comes into the picture. Him and I would give anything to be able to be in the same room as each other right now, something that a lot of couples take for granted. The sense of human touch and physical being has been taken away from us, and it's been tough...but there are ways to make it work without them.  So how do we make this work? How do we survive through this and come out the other end of the tunnel TOGETHER? Well, again, to be honest we are still figuring that out. I don't think we will ever stop learning how to make this work. It is a learning experience that has and will be filled with trial and error. You may be thinking, "jeez, it's not that difficult." If you are thinking this, I am here to say that i was right there with you before all of this. I thought that as long as we kept the phone calls and web cam chats going that it would be smooth sailing. Wrong. There are a lot of things about the relationship you have to tweak and change. For instance, we have a rule that we don't go to sleep mad at each other. You can't let arguments fester when you are so far apart. The longer you go without solving them, the harder it is to solve them later because words is all you've got...no hug or kiss to make it all better. Often times, a hug is all that is needed to cease the biggest of arguments. We don't have the blessing of this lifesaving tool. Talking. That's it. Next time you argue with a loved one, i invite you to try and solve it using verbal communication only. I think you would find it is a bit more difficult than imagined. I complain about it, and it does make things difficult,  but honestly i am sort of grateful for this barrier of ours because it is forcing our relationship to acquire such strong skills in communication that, i think, will be extremely beneficial for us in the long run (providing we make it to 'the long run'). 

The occasional snail mail. Even though the letter writing days of boot camp are long gone, i still try and send him a piece of snail mail every once in a while because, well, i just like to and i know it puts a smile on his face no matter what kind of  day he's had. I guess you could consider a surprise piece of mail our form of a hug or kiss. Just like a hug or kiss, it pleasantly reminds us we are loved. Heck, it better show we are loved...44 cents a stamp!?!? haha. 

"Good morning texts". A favorite of ours, and has the same effect of drinking a Red Bull. A recharge. It sounds silly, and perhaps it is, but getting that simple text every morning (very early) that usually contains a smiley picture of him in his uniform and a few encouraging words really does give me the strength to conquer any day i may have ahead of myself. Thanks to our unlimited picture text messaging feature on our cell phone plan, we also send many picture messages to each other throughout the day. We take pictures of anything we see that reminds us of each other, usually these pictures hold significance for an inside joke we have (there are many of those). It's a fun game we 'play' and makes the distance easier for some reason. I'm not exactly sure why, but it does. Perhaps it is the laughter that comes as a result of getting them. Both of these 'strategies' enables me to be reminded that no matter how far away he may be, i always have him in one form or another. Whether it be through a text message or a web cam chat, i have him. He is alive and well, and for this alone i am blessed. 

Keeping positive. That's a necessity. Him and I have made such a conscious effort to keep positive about our situation and i think it's a huge reason why we haven't crumbled yet. Sure, him and i both have our bad days where thinking positive about everything just isn't an option, but that is when the teamwork comes into play. When he's down, i make sure i'm up to pick him back up. When i'm down, he makes sure he is the positive one to pick me back up. It's a good system, and one we have learned works quite well. Again, it's a learning process. The military seems to throw curve balls like nobody's business, and this tends to cause these up and down days. Some days it feels like it would be easier to just mope and drown in our misery about the uncontrollable fate the military grants on us, but that would not be the solution...and it would be a bit pathetic to say the least. No matter how frustrating 'military life' can be, we always have to remind ourselves that despite the emotional distress, the Air Force is providing a great opportunity for him and a great future. We aren't going to let the emotional distress get us down. Like a good friend (who has a son serving in the Army) once told me, "If we let the military get us down, they win. If we adjust to things, we win." She's right.